It is evening and the country becomes silent. Simon watches the peasants watering their fields.
83.4 Jesus has not moved from the place where He was sitting. He then gets up, goes round to the back of the house, and walks along the orchard. He wants to be alone. He goes as far as a thicket of huge pomegranate trees and low bushes, which I think must be gooseberries. But I am not sure, because there are no berries on them and I am not familiar with the leaves of these plants. Jesus hides behind the thicket. He kneels down. He prays… and then He bends down with His face on the ground, on the grass and He weeps. I realise that He is crying because of His deep, interrupted sighs. A disheartened crying, without sobs, but so sad.
Some time passes in this way. It is now twilight. But it is not yet so dark as to prevent seeing. And in the faint light Simon’s disfigured but honest face suddenly appears above a bush. He looks around for something and sees the crouched figure of the Master, completely covered by His dark blue mantle which confuses Him with the dark ground. Only His fair hair and His hands joined in prayer catch his eye: His hands protrude above His head which rests on His wrists. Simon looks at Him with his large kind eyes. He understands that Jesus is sad because of His sighing and he utters: «Master», with his thick almost purple lips.
Jesus looks up.
«You are crying, Master? Why? May I come near You?» Simon’s expression is one of astonishment and sorrow. He is definitely not a handsome man. In addition to his disfigured features and his dark olive complexion, he bears the deep bluish marks of the scars caused by his disease. But his glance is so gentle that his ugliness disappears.
«Come, Simon, My friend.»
Jesus is sitting on the grass. Simon sits beside Him.
«Why are You sad, Master? I am not John and I am not capable of giving You what John gives you. But I would like to give You every possible comfort, and I am only sorry that I am not able to do so. Tell me. Have I hurt You these last few days to the extent that it depresses You to stay with me?»
«No. My good friend. You have never hurt Me since the first moment I saw you. And I think you will never cause Me to shed tears.»
«Well, then, Master? I am not worthy of Your confidence. But, on account of my age, I could be Your father and You know how anxious I have always been to have children… Allow me to caress You as if You were my son and let me be a father and mother to You in this hour of pain. It is Your Mother that You are in need of to forget so many things…»
«Oh! Yes! It is My Mother!»
«Well, while waiting to have comfort in Her, grant Your servant the joy of consoling You.
83.5 You are crying, Master, because someone has hurt You. For several days Your face has been like the sun darkened by clouds. I have been watching You. Your goodness hides the wound, that we may not hate him who wounds You. But the wound is a painful and abhorrent one. But tell me, my Lord: why do You not remove the source of Your pain?»
«Because it would be useless from a human point of view and it would not be charitable.»
«Ah! You are aware that I am speaking of Judas! It is because of him that You are suffering. How can You, the Truth, tolerate that liar? He lies shamelessly. He is more deceitful than a fox and more closed than a rock. He has now gone away. What for? How many friends has he got? I am sorry to leave You. But I would like to follow him and see… Oh! My Jesus! That man… send him away, my Lord.»
«It is useless. What is to be, shall be.»
«What do You mean?»
«Nothing special.»
«You were pleased to let him go, because You were disgusted with his behaviour at Jericho.»
«It is true, Simon. I tell you once again: what is to be, shall be. And Judas is part of this future. He is to be there, too.»
«But John told me that Simon Peter is very frank and full of ardour… Will he put up with Judas?»
«He must stand him. Also Peter is destined for a part, and Judas is the canvas on which he must weave his part, or, if you prefer so, Judas is the school where Peter will learn more than with anyone else. Also idiots are capable of being good with John and understanding souls like John’s. But it is difficult to be good with people like Judas, and to understand souls like Judas’ and to be a doctor and priest for them. Judas is your living teaching.»
«Ours?»
«Yes. Yours. The Master will not be on the earth forever. He will leave after eating the hardest bread and drinking the most sour wine. But you will stay to continue Me… and you must know. Because the world does not end with the Master. It will last longer, until the final return of Christ and the final judgement of man. And I solemnly tell you that for every John, Peter, Simon, James, Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, there are at least seven Judases. And many, many more!…»
Simon is thoughtful and silent. He then says: «The shepherds are good. Judas scorns them. But I love them.»
«I love them and praise them.»
«They are simple souls, just like the ones You like.»
«Judas has lived in town.»
«His only excuse. But there are many people who have lived in towns, and yet…
83.6 When will You come to my friend?»
«Tomorrow, Simon. And I will come with pleasure, because we are by ourselves, just you and I. I believe he is a learned and experienced man, like you.»
«And he suffers a lot… In his body and even more in his heart. Master… I would like to ask You a favour: if he does not speak to You of his grief, please do not ask him any question about his family.»
«I will not. I am on the side of those who suffer, but I do not force anybody’s confidence. Tears deserve respect.»
«And I did not respect them… But I felt so sorry for You…»
«You are My friend and you have already given a name to My sorrow. I am an unknown Rabbi for your friend. When he knows Me… then… Let us go. It is dark. Do not let us keep our tired guests waiting. Tomorrow at dawn we will go to Bethany.»